Awards Season Comes Early

I thought I’d give out some awards based on sporting events during the past week or so.

The Warrior Award: Richie McCaw

On Saturday night in the post-game interviews the condition of his face made him look like he’d been mugged, as it always does after a test match. He continues to be a wonderful player and a wonderful leader. And he’s a tough as old boots.

The Skin of Their Teeth Award: The Warriors

 They were the width of the painted dead-ball line away from ending their playoff hopes on Saturday night; if Gold Coast Titans winger Kevin Gordon had managed to plant the ball 30 cms further back, the Warriors would be playing for pride only next week. As it stands their playoff hopes are still alive and hang by the most slender of threads.

The How Good is He Award: Jacko Gill

For a fully mature male in his 30’s he’d be amazing. As an 18 year old in a sport where athletes often don’t peak till their early 30’s, he’s a phenomenon. He holds every age grade world record bar one. I don’t think New Zealanders truly appreciate how amazing Gill actually is.

The How Good Is He Going To Be In Ten Years Award: Jacko Gill

In ten years’ time, Jacko will be an Olympic champion, a world champion and a world record holder. As he starts to move into senior competitions, he won’t win everything immediately but it won’t take long. I’m sure he has the rest of those world records in his sights.

The How Good Is She Going To Be In Ten Years Award: Lydia Ko

She is competing against, and beating, pro golfers. And she’s only 16.

The ‘God I’m Sick of People Making Height Jokes in Interviews But I’ll Smile Anyway’ Award: Steven Adams

Melanie Robinson’s pre-All Black test interview with Adams included the customary astonishment and commentary on Adams’ height. Did I detect the slightest hint of a ‘here we go again’ look on Adams’ face? Maybe not…

The Gosh He’s Talented So Why Don’t They Pass to Him More Often Award: Israel Folau

When Folau evaded Dagg on his way to scoring an interception try vs. the All Blacks on Saturday, aside from thinking ‘Has there ever before been an instance of two sportsmen named Israel facing each other on a sports field?’, I was astounded at the ease with which he ran around Dagg. It was effortless and reminded me of Lomu at his peak playing sevens. Why the Wallabies don’t involve him much, much more in their gameplan is beyond me.

The Australian Front Rowers Are Rubbish Award: The Australian Front Row

The Wallabies props and hookers were always the favourites to collect this award, and they came through superbly on Saturday to claim it yet again. They were destroyed by their NZ counterparts. Now the new scrum rules have returned scrummaging to being a test of strength and technique again, as opposed to a contest involving who could get the best hit in as the scrum formed, the Aussies have nuthin’. They were lucky Wyatt Crockett was summoned because up until that point they were being embarrassed.

The 100 Not Out Award: Tony Woodcock

He’s had an extraordinary number of critics over the years, but nobody plays a hundred test matches and sees off numerous quality challengers along the way without being quality. And Woodcock is.

The Gosh I Wish He Was A Kiwi Award: James Horwill

As good as our locks are, Horwill is a fantastic player and a great leader. A second row of Whitelock and Horwill would be as dominant as Bakkies Botha and Victor Matfield once were.

The Whaaaaaaaat??? Award: Liverpool Football Club

Two games played in the English Premier League. Two wins. Six points. Hasn’t happened for five seasons. Please oh please let this be our season…

The Not Looking Good Award: Jesse Mogg

The Wallabies fullback has looked out of his depth thus far in the Rugby Championship. Undoubtedly talented, but this may be a step too far for him.

The It Looks like They’ve Been International Players for Years Already Award: Steven Luatua and Tom Taylor

Taylor produced an assured first test performance to illustrate that our first five-eighth stocks are plentiful for the inevitable post-Dan-Carter era. His late rib injury also meant he succumbed to the injury curse attached to the All Black number 10 jersey. Luatua is a beast and is absolutely ready for test football. Luatua’s entrance to the international arena has been so promising that Victor Vito’s best hope for a role at international level now is as Kieran Read’s understudy, Jerome Kaino will need to be on top of his game if he returns and Liam Messam will be sweating.

The Fifty Six Year Wait is Over Award: Otago

I was amazed to read that Otago hasn’t held the Ranfurly Shield for more than half a century. The jubilation exhibited by the team at the final whistle was wonderful to watch and a refreshing change.  

The Yee-Haaa Enthusiasm Award: TVNZ Americas Cup Commentary Team

I have no idea whether they are really as excited as they seem to be. But the excitement, positivity and enthusiasm they muster when commentating on a ‘race’ in which one team wins by two and a half minutes is commendable.

The Too Much Cash Award: Roman Abramovich

The owner of Chelsea Football Club is an obscenely wealthy man. When rivals Tottenham Hotspur announced they were negotiating to buy Brazilian player Willian from unpronounceable Russian club Anzhi Makhachkala, Abramovich simply picked up the phone, called the owner to offer more than Tottenham were prepared to pay and therefore Willian is expected to be playing for Chelsea very shortly. It’s generally accepted that Chelsea don’t actually need Willian as they have plenty of class players in his position already. And it’s also generally accepted that Abramovich actually only bought him to stop him from joining Chelsea’s bitter rival. That’s one rich man.

The Time to Call it a Day Award: David Tua

His body (calf muscle to be precise) is telling him what I suspect Russian gigantor opponent Alexander Ustinov’s fists will confirm in November – it’s time to pull the pin. I would love nothing more than to see Tua win, then get another couple of paydays and be financially comfortable for the rest of his days. But Ustinov looks like he was built in a factory in Chernobyl. If the boxing authorities are correct and he is in fact the 7^th or 10^th (depending who you ask) best heavyweight in the world, it’s very hard to see Tua overcoming that ridiculous size differential. Still, stranger things have happened. Go David!

The Gosh I Hope He Beats This Award: Jonah Lomu

Over the weekend I had the pleasure of meeting Jonah at a book signing in a Wellington mall. He looked like he was feeling pretty average (having a single, malfunctioning kidney will do that to you) yet he was friendly, full of smiles and stayed on well beyond his scheduled finishing time. He happily posed for a photo with my kids and was happy to sign our just-purchased book, my son’s shirt and my daughter’s shoe. I sincerely hope he can find another kidney donor and prolong his life for many years to come. Best of luck Jonah.

Till Next Time,

SG